The Balancing Act

So in the past month since moving, my life has become somewhat of a balancing act. A walk across a tight rope, if you will.

Living 4 hours away from my family has become quite the challenge, one I never thought I'd have to deal with. Living in Albany, and then even Clifton Park was only 2 hours, not a big deal and I got to see my family often, either by me going down to my parents or by my mom coming to visit me at the apartment. Now, its 4 hours to get to my family...and for some reason it's really bothering me. It could be that it's getting closer to the wedding so I want to be able to be there as much as possibly helping plan and being involved and stuff. Or, maybe it's because I actually miss my brother(gasp- something I never, ever would have seen happening) because as he's getting older, I am starting to realize that he really is a pretty ok person(read tolerable co-habitant who can sometimes be cool). It's almost like when I am at my parents I can actually relax now, something that when I was a kid, didn't seem like it was possible. Keeping in touch with my family isn't any kind of problem, I mean I talk to my mom like 8 times a day(read on some days its damn excessive and others not nearly enough), but it's just not the same as being there, sitting down to dinner or watching a movie together.

Or maybe it's that I miss my best friend. I mean what is life without that special person who you can always lean on without feeling the least bit guilty? Mand and I might talk every day and text til our thumbs fall off, but there is just something about being able to drop everything, jump in the car and go get ice cream or a chicken parm wrap(yes, I know these references may not mean anything to some people, but to us...it's in our hearts). I miss her something awful. I really do. And nothing rips at my heart like knowing how sad she is sometimes and when she tells me she misses me, all I want to do is jump in my car and go...and if it were possible, I'd do it.

And of course, it goes without saying(read- I'm going to say it anyway) wedding planning is such a friggin balancing act, I really need a scale in order to get half of this crud done. Making everyone, parents, family, friends and then ourselves happy...is pretty dang taxing on my psyche. Mix that with doing the whole shebang on a budget and still trying to have it look fabulous. Add in the fact that I am working in a new store in an area that I am attempting to learn and well...my brain kind of becomes something resembling hot oatmeal and melted ice cream.

Of course, I still am trying to get myself to realize i am going to be getting married in less than 6 months. I've been engaged for over a year now. I can't believe how slowly and yet how fast things are happening. Sometimes I look around and feel like everything has changed but me...like my world has changed and I've been through it, but not a part of it.

I guess I just feel like everything is changing in my roots, my family is growing up, the dynamic is different there...not in a bad way, just different. My best friend has changed(also not in a bad way) and I guess all these changes, kind of make me feel like I am not a part of it anymore? That everything is leaving me behind?