Why is a wedding so stressful? Is it because it's supposed to be one of the best days in your life? Or is it because of the money? How about all of the people who are supposed to be blown away by what months and months worth of planning has culminated in?

People say wedding planning is fun. That you are supposed to enjoy the months before the wedding, that all of the hard work, endless phone calls, emails and meetings are going to add up to this amazing day, where you (as the bride) are the star. I SWEAR TO GOD IF ONE MORE PERSON ASKS ME HOW THE WEDDING IS COMING THERE MAY BE ONE LESS GUEST AT MY WEDDING.

Wedding planning in a nutshell has brought out the crazy in my mom, yes I always knew it was there, but she shall now be referred to (affectionately of course) as Momzilla. Now, you may ask why or how she has earned this title. It's very simple...if you have ever heard the term Bridezilla, or seen the TV show, you know their antics, temper tantrums and in general out of control behavior has earned them a, perhaps coveted, spot on the show. My mother, does not throw temper tantrums and yet the majority of my friends, and even some members of my own family are afraid of her. Being the oldest child, and the only daughter has often benefited me, in the form of surprise shopping trips, concert tickets, parties and the like.

However, being the first one in the family to get married has dramatically changed my life within the last 4 months. I think there may be something in the water or the air at my parents house, because my mom has reached a whole new brand of crazy while planning my wedding. My mom has whole heartedly thrown herself into planning my wedding(for which I adore and admire her) and at the same time want to hide under my covers with the lights off and hope a call from the bogeyman is the reason why my blackberry is ringing for the 12th time in the last 2 hours. From phone calls about the centerpieces and favors, to calls while checking out in a store, to calls while watching Rich Bride, Poor Bride, the ideas are running rampant.

The problem is- being unemployed makes it really hard to think about spending any money on something that isn't rent, food or bills. So crystal centerpieces and shotglass favors aren't the things that mean the world to me right now. I know my wedding is important, and of course I want it to be amazing and beautiful and on that day I want to look around and think to myself "ohmigod!", but right now, I'm more worried about paying my car insurance and not becoming a financial burden to my fiancé, than what's going to be in the center of the tables that my guests sit at. So, while I love my mom so very much for all the work she's doing, when my blackberry rings, I usually hope it's someone calling to tell me I won the lotto or that my long lost great aunt Mildred (I don't think I have one...but if I did...) has passed away and that I am inheriting a tidy sum of money as a result. Instead, it typically goes something like this "So what do you think about adding...(insert crystals, flowers or candles) to....(insert guest tables, the centerpieces or the entry table)" to which I reply "I'd have to look at it and talk to Andrew" and then we say goodbye. Typically there is another call in about an hour or so.

And as if having Momzilla on top of things wasn't enough, there are also the numerous phone calls, emails and postcards sent from a variety of wedding specialty vendors who are just dying to get my business (read want my money). Seriously, if I wanted to use your services I would have booked you months ago...not a few months before my wedding, now please go away, stop calling me and stop flooding my inbox with your offers, ads and promises to "make my day a day to remember"...my day is going to be a day to remember, because I might have a stroke, heart attack, nervous breakdown or all of the above before or on that "magical" day.

Perhaps attributing to my neurosis about wedding planning is the fact that I am moving at the end of this month. Yep, in the middle of planning my wedding I am moving. And no, it isn't to some beautiful destination where I have always dreamed of living, instead its to a cold, snowy Siberia like area, known as Utica NY. Due to my lack of employment(stupid employers...you want me...damn it!), it has become un-necessary for Andrew and I to live in the Capitol area, and as such are moving closer to his job. Don't get me wrong, I know there has to be something good about that area...someone? anyone? But, right now, it's just cold and snowy to me. We have found a really sweet house in a good area, pretty close to everything...but moving is just more stress. So, right now my apartment is in upheaval with boxes everywhere, clothes split between two homes and not having much of anything to make dinners with at the apartment. My dog goes ballistic when Andrew or I bring in an empty box, maybe she thinks there is some evil, invading box monster? My Mom(read Momzilla) has been coming up to help me pack and get stuff situated, which is good, since Andrew is busy working and we seem to have accumulated an insane amount of junk...which is now sitting in garbage bags to be gotten rid of.

Thus, stress levels and tension are pretty high throughout my days. Moving and a wedding...I must be insane or sick. A little less than 2 weeks and the move will be done, and then I can focus on the crystal, flower or candles to go on the guest tables, centerpieces or entry table. And, although I complain, I know without my mom the wedding wouldn't be what it is going to be and things wouldn't be so easy...errmmm less stressful...for me. So, thanks Mom!!

But, until then...could someone please pass the bogeyman my phone number? And, does anyone know someone who prescribes xanax?

Intro

My name is Samantha. I have a fiance, who is supportive, loving and pretty much the best thing I have going for me(don't get me wrong we don't always see eye to eye, but we always get past that). I have a best friend, who has stood by me through so much in my life. I have a wonderful, supportive family, who is as dysfunctional as anything.

I am in the middle of planning my wedding to the aforementioned fiance. We have been through a lot, from deaths in the family, to our family's issues to our own problems(ie neither of us are perfect...well maybe he is, but I...am not). The planning of my wedding is currently my full time job(although it's much more than a job). Speaking of jobs- I lost mine right before thanksgiving 2009, but I'll talk more about that later.

Ah, the wedding. Well, its scheduled for 10/10/10. We have the venue reserved, the official as well. The wedding party is all arranged. The colors are picked out. We have a tentative wedding guest list, which is of course, subject to change, as the wedding is more than a year away. The stress that goes along with planning a wedding is something no one talks about, I'm going to talk about that here too.

This space will be both my source to vent, to question and to really just write.